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Enlightened at 20
It's been a few years since I started teaching,
and during this time I have received emails from a number of people, usually
male, most often in their early 20's or younger, who claim, either in their
opening email or after some emails have passed between us, that they are now
Enlightened. This page is about the belief behind 'youngsters' looking for an
accolade of some sort, and who choose Enlightenment as their trophy (but it
applies to any age really, as the need to claim an accolade of some sort takes
over):
You may have met someone already, or perhaps I am
describing you, when I talk about young people believing they are Enlightened.
My own teacher, Barry Long, used to talk about
young men, with their testosterone and aggression, believing they were
Enlightened. He would tell them to contain themselves and the insights, and he
would even go so far as to say that one cannot be Enlightened at 20yrs, 30yrs,
or even 40yrs; and that only by the age of 50yrs would someone be near the age
at which they may have lived enough to have realised and become The Master (as
it is called).
In my own experience, I do recall a little of what
he was speaking of. I had been following, what is commonly called, The
'Spiritual Path' for about 1 year when I found Barry's teaching at 18yrs. It was
wonderful as it was just what I needed at the time, and I found I developed
quickly. Having read one book of Barry's and heard one cassette, I arranged to
attend a talk in London, Earls Court, a few weeks later. While there I booked to
attend a 5 day residential seminar in Leicester a few weeks after that, and at
the end of the Leicester meeting I found out about the Master Session in
Australia coming up, and booked to go on that. It was only 6 months since I
first heard of Barry Long, and things were moving fast.
By now, not only had I been in Barry's company several
times already, but the insights seemed to be coming quickly and I could reel
off all about the truth, giving my ego the impression that I was nearly there.
In fact I really believed I was, at only 19yrs. Even though I attended all the
talks in Australia that year, and even helped out as a member of staff with the checking
of tickets and helping in the kitchen etc, there was a part of me that resented
being there. "I don't need him!..." I would tell myself, "...I can do this on my
own!". When asked by Barry to close our eyes in the meetings, I would leave mine
open, in a form of defiance, showing that I no longer needed to do what
everybody else was doing as I was above that now. I also met a lady out there
with whom I spent a lot of time and we became close, and when she said at one point that she needed
to ask Barry a question, I felt quite threatened, asking inside "Why does she
need to ask him? I know everything he knows. I can do this too". It turned out
that I was able to answer her questions after all, and it helped us both, but
the point was the arrogance in me that caused an annoyance at her need to ask
anyone else anything. I wanted to be the Master. I didn't like being 2nd to
anyone.
I returned to England from Australia and attended a few more of
Barry's talks over the next 2 or 3 years when he came to England, but I told myself that it was
only to teach
the lady I was with, to try to get her interested in doing this too... It wasn't
for me! I already knew all this! In fact, the lady even commented several times that
there was no point in her being there, as she didn't hear anything in the talks
that I hadn't already told her. Around this time Barry stopped coming to
England, and I took that as a message that I no longer needed him at all.
I did a lot of inner-work over the next 5 years or
so, struggling with the emotion that kept coming; still saying to myself "Am I
there yet?... Yes, this is it, I'm Enlightened now.... Oh no I'm not...". I once
wrote to Barry and asked the question as to whether or not I was Enlightened. He replied simply that Enlightenment
pervades all areas of one's life. That was enough to tell me I still had a
little way to go, because I was really struggling with the emotion and things
were still tough with my relationship, and my job.
Time passed and as I dissolved more emotion, along
with the need to be anything, be it The Master, Enlightened, or whatever, the
arrogance diminished. I put aside any pride and accepted that, even though I had
all the knowledge, and had done for several years now, I could still go deeper.
I also knew that, just being in Barry's company would help me progress; so I went to the
Master Session in Australia, almost 10 years after my first visit. I was now
28yrs.
I met people there whom I had not seen since my
last visit and, despite them having been to most, if not all the meetings since,
it seemed they had not changed much, while I had gone through great changes.
Not only did I have all the knowledge, but these had begun to become solid and I
was becoming the knowledge that I had carried. A year later I returned again,
and it was then that it all came together and the last obstruction (for want of
a better word) fell away. I became the being that I had been chasing for so
long.
I spoke with Barry about my experience. At the
time he just walked away and I wondered why. However, in
following talks he said repeatedly, not that a person cannot be Enlightened at
20yrs, 30yrs or 40yrs, but now he was saying that not all Enlightened people are
the same, and that one grows in Knowledge and truth even after Enlightenment. I
knew he was talking about me.
I returned to England and all but forgot the
experience which had faded. 6 months later I noticed that it was back, but now constant; but
constant what? I was only being what I am, except that now all trying had gone
and I was complete. I knew I had become the being behind all existence and
there was no coming or going now. Nothing else to look for and no more
questions. As Jesus is supposed to have said so long ago "I am the way, the
truth and the life"; as the Buddha said "I am awake"; as Krishna said, I had
"become the supreme personality behind all living things"; and yet I was not
special. I was just being what I am. I am This.
Barry did not hold any more meetings after the
Master session. He was however extremely generous to reply to my letter a few
months later in which I explained what I was seeing and how things had changed. Barry
wrote
"...It seems to me, your qualifications to serve by teaching
the people are solid or well-founded. It is true at 30 there is still much
living to do, as J. Krishnamurti found. But that did not stop him. At that age -
& I suppose at every age - one must face the testing in circumstance of the
realisations of truth / and or love. At 30 however, with profound knowledge
already realised, there's a lot of living to do...."
At the end of the letter, Barry
added "So there you go
Nick - Or on you go. Time will tell but you do have the right stuff as long as
keep any arrogance at bay. This you have done well sine we first started to
speak." Barry may not
have known quite how much I had struggled with this area.
Apparently
that was one of, if not the last letter that Barry wrote.
However, I had
already begun teaching before receiving Barry's letter, as it was right for me
to do so. I did not need anyone's approval or say-so; I had come too far for
that. I was The Master consciousness, and was living from there; but I was still
not special.
So, back to
the point of this page:
'I have received emails from a number of people,
usually male, most often in their early 20's or younger, who claim, either in
their opening email or after some emails have passed between us, that they are
now Enlightened.' I do understand, but I also suggest you try living it for a
while first, before telling everyone that you have finished, or that you are going
to save them or the world, or that you are the prophet or the next messiah. One
insight, or even all the knowledge in the world, does not make you Enlightened.
'Being' makes you Enlightened, when lived fully, and this usually takes many
years to become fully 'fledged'.
Thank you for reading.
Nick Roach
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